Fake Money
A man handed 20 naira to a blind man begging for
alms by the road side. The blind man said, "Excuse
me sir, this money looks fake." The man, surprised,
asked the blind man, "How did you know its fake?"
The Blind man replied, "I'm actually not blind. I'm
standing in place for my blind friend." The man
asked, "So where is he?" The blind man replied,
"He's at the cinemas watching a movie."
Robbing Houses
Kwame one day told kofi about the robbery in their
neighbourhood. He said, "The robbers have been
attacking for a week now. They have robbed four
houses including my house and they operate by
jumping through fences." Then kofi replied, "That's
terrible! But thank God I'm lucky." Kwame then
asked, "Why? Do you have a dog?" kofi replied, "No,
my house does not have a fence."
Mental school
Two mentally disturbed men kofi and Kwame
decided they must go to school. They collected old
books and went to sit under the tree pretending it
was a school. The following day, kofi got there early
and climbed the tree. As Kwame came and saw his
friend on top of the tree he asked, "What are you
doing up there?" kofi replied, "I am now in high
school."
No adult
The phone rings and a little voice quickly answers
the phone, "Hello." The salesman on the other end
of the line asks, "Is your mother there?" The little
voice replies, "Yes, but she's busy." The salesman
then ask, "Well, how about your father, is he home?"
The little voice said yes again. The salesman asked
if he could speak with the father. The little voice
said, "No.. He's busy." The frustrated salesman
asked if there were any other adults in the house.
The little voice said, "Yes, a fireman, but he's busy."
The salesman finally asked if there were any other
adults in the house. The little voice said, "Yes, a
policeman, but he is busy too." Finally, yelling at the
little voice he asked, "Why are everyone so busy?
What are they doing?!" The little voice replied, "They
are looking for me."
Three bad politicians
Three prominent politicians in Nigeria boarded the
same flight to from Abuja to Lagos. The first
Politician started, "I can throw one N1000 note
down and make one person laugh." "I can make
two persons laugh with just two N500 notes." the
second politician replied. The third politician
retorted, "With just five pieces of N200 notes, I can
make five people laugh." The pilot then looked at the
politicians and added, "I'm the pilot here, meaning I
can throw all of you down and make more than 150
million Nigerians laugh."
pretty Girl
IJEOMA: Biodun says I'm ugly, but then Emeka says
I'm pretty. What do you think Emmioks?
Emmioks: A bit of both. I'd say you're pretty ugly.
corner store
Emmioks stopped by the corner provision store and
read the following list to the shop attendant: 10
pounds sugar at N1.25 per gram
4 pounds coffee at N1.50 per gram
2 pounds butter at N1.10 per gram
2 bars soap at N.83 each
"How much does that come to?" asked Emmioks.
"Twenty-two naira and thirty-six kobo."
"If I gave you three ten naira bills, how much
change would I get?" asked Emmioks.
"Seven naira and sixty-four kobo," stated the shop
attendant who appeared to be irritated by all the
questions.
Emmioks said, as he disappeared through the door,
"Sorry I don't want to buy the items... that's our
mathematics lesson for tomorrow, and I needed
some help with it."
The 3 Thieves
Three thieves were taken to court, and were found
guilty. The first man stole a tin of sardine. The judge
sentenced him to three years in prison because
there were three fishes in the tin. The second man
stole a tray of eggs, he got 30 years in prison
because a tray of egg contains 30 eggs. The third
guy collapsed. He stole a bag of rice
A Lucky Driver
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him
that he has just won $5000 in a safety competition
all because he is wearing his seatbelt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?"
the officer asks.
The man responds, ''I guess I'll go to a driving
school and get my license.''
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a
smart person when he's drunk.
The guy in the back seat says, "I knew we wouldn't
get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the boot of the car
and a voice calls out, ''Have we crossed the border
yet?''
Best Interview
Kofi is a footballer who plays for one of the leading
clubs in the world. His team-mates advised him to
prepare answers in advance for post-match
interviews because his English isn’t that good. They
had a few mock interviews, and told him to answer
exactly the same way during the live interviews
because they usually ask the same questions. But it
backfired spectacularly, as this never-before-seen
interview shows. REPORTER: kofi, firstly, I hear that
your wife is pregnant. That’s fantastic news,
Congratulations! Kofi: Yes, thank you. All credits
goes to my teammates. Everyone worked hard for
it, especially Emake Chiguoze. It was a tight
situation when he came in, but his performance
was great, with the help from Taiwo Ogunsanya,
who looked like he was really enjoying himself.
Special thanks to Kwame Adjo for finding space
from impossibly tight angles. And not forgetting
George Abbey, who showed lots of energy when
everyone was tired. The reporter fainted!
Last Job
MAN: Why did you leave your last job? kOFI: It was
something my boss said. MAN: What did he say?
kOFI: You are fired!
Wicked Dog
A man walked into a bar and sat close to a Yoruba
guy who was drinking. He saw a dog panting close
to where the Yoruba guy was sitting and asked,
"Cute dog you have there mister, does your dog
bite?" The Yoruba guy replied, "No." The man
stretches his hand close to the dog's face but his
hand was bitten viciously by the dog. Shocked and
pained, he asked, "But you just said your dog
doesn't bite?" The Yoruba guy looking a bit drunk
replied, "Yep, it doesn't." "But it just f**king bit me!"
the man said in anger. The Yoruba guy calmly
replied, "This is not my dog. Mine is at home." Wise kofi and the #500,000
Kofi mistakenly sent #500,000 to a wrong account
via phone.Kofi, however, realized that error before
the person withdrew the whole money.He had to
think of what to do if he must get his money back.
He quickly sent a text message to the person's
phone number. It read thus:"Hi boss, i hope you are
okay. I hope you received the money i sent you for
the initiation ceremony to the illuminati atanic club
scheduled to hold at 12 midnight. That money is only
for transport. I will send more for pocket money
and there are riches awaiting you. Remember to
carry a needle meant for satan to draw your blood,
as it will not be a pleasant experience if you fail to
come with it; the devil will have no choice than to
use his own which may be more devastating.
Please ,don't be late because the devil himself will
be around to officiate the program. In case you are
not ready to join, please send back the money."
Four minutes later,Kofi got an alert message: "Your
account has been credited with #500,000 and your
account balance is #700,000"..
The folish man and the thieves
A man was thinking about a billion naira given to
him 4 a project, he was scared of taking the money
to the bank, so he decide to keep the money in the
BOX. One day, gang of thieves attack this man's
house while he was sitting on the BOX. Thieves:
gentleman, where is ur money? Man: i don’t have
any money. They forced him to get up 4rm the box
and deep their hands in his pockets but surprisely
they met just #1500 in his pocket. Thieves: u got
just #1500 in ur wallet, why did u put so much
effort? Man: am just very sorry for the stress i
gave, i dnt know that is my #1500 u people came
for, I thought is the 1 billion naira in the box.
The single woman and the drunkard
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket
where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a
carton of eggs, a bottle of orange juice, a pack of
biscuit, a can of coffee, a carton of suger. As she
was unloading her items into the conveyor belt to
check out, a drunk standing behind her was
watching. While the cashier was ringing up her
purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be
single." The woman was a bit startled by this
proclamation, but she was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She
looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could
have tipped of the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well,
you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how
on Earth did you know that?" The drunk replied,
"'Cuz you're ugly"
whisper in my ear
A mother took her little boy to church. While in
church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not
appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So,
from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell
me that you have to 'whisper.'" The following
Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father
and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I
have to whisper." The father looked at him and said,
"Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
I don't want to go to school
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her
son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But
why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two
reasons why you don't want to go.”
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers
hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on
now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another,
you're the Principal!" Wise kofi and the #500,000
Kofi mistakenly sent #500,000 to a wrong account
via phone.Kofi, however, realized that error before
the person withdrew the whole money.He had to
think of what to do if he must get his money back.
He quickly sent a text message to the person's
phone number. It read thus:"Hi boss, i hope you are
okay. I hope you received the money i sent you for
the initiation ceremony to the illuminati atanic club
scheduled to hold at 12 midnight. That money is only
for transport. I will send more for pocket money
and there are riches awaiting you. Remember to
carry a needle meant for satan to draw your blood,
as it will not be a pleasant experience if you fail to
come with it; the devil will have no choice than to
use his own which may be more devastating.
Please ,don't be late because the devil himself will
be around to officiate the program. In case you are
not ready to join, please send back the money."
Four minutes later,Kofi got an alert message: "Your
account has been credited with #500,000 and your
account balance is #700,000"..
The folish man and the thieves
A man was thinking about a billion naira given to
him 4 a project, he was scared of taking the money
to the bank, so he decide to keep the money in the
BOX. One day, gang of thieves attack this man's
house while he was sitting on the BOX. Thieves:
gentleman, where is ur money? Man: i don’t have
any money. They forced him to get up 4rm the box
and deep their hands in his pockets but surprisely
they met just #1500 in his pocket. Thieves: u got
just #1500 in ur wallet, why did u put so much
effort? Man: am just very sorry for the stress i
gave, i dnt know that is my #1500 u people came
for, I thought is the 1 billion naira in the box.
The single woman and the drunkard
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket
where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a
carton of eggs, a bottle of orange juice, a pack of
biscuit, a can of coffee, a carton of suger. As she
was unloading her items into the conveyor belt to
check out, a drunk standing behind her was
watching. While the cashier was ringing up her
purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be
single." The woman was a bit startled by this
proclamation, but she was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She
looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could
have tipped of the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well,
you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how
on Earth did you know that?" The drunk replied,
"'Cuz you're ugly"
whisper in my ear
A mother took her little boy to church. While in
church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not
appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So,
from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell
me that you have to 'whisper.'" The following
Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father
and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I
have to whisper." The father looked at him and said,
"Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
I don't want to go to school
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her
son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But
why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two
reasons why you don't want to go.”
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers
hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on
now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another,
you're the Principal!"
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